tonight, I am a bullet, and I am alone...

Once, I always apologized...now I am an apology...

once I was a burnished feather...

I was the brother that swallowed the ocean...

once, I was compared to a rotting sunflower...

how do two people who are suicidal find each other and then realize that they can't commit suicide because they are afraid to each other? is this common? just shoot me now...

once I remembered myself for a second...I can't anymore

so I've been lost in the wilderness for six plus years...I mean that's what I thought, what I know. And weirdly enough I thought of this almost at the same time as I thought of Joe Strummer. The sunset was happening and I cried. I don't think I ever cried about Strummer dying...he actually came back to my friend's place in San Clemente after playing a couple of shows with The Pogues. A really human guy. But that's not it...it was about him but not. I cried for myself really. For having remembered myself for a second. I've been living very hard for the last six years...and it shows in my face now...but I remembered. I'm alive...here...with other people who are here at the same time...I just can't see them here in the wilderness...in the dark. So I'll be a fire...and maybe I'll remember where I was going when the sun went down.